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rant.
Ugh I am frustrated wih gay marriage.

I am frustrated with marriage.

I usually am fine keeping it to myself, but an email-discussion pal and I just discussed marriage and gay marriage. I basically said that I think that romance has taken over an originally economic institution and that frustrates me; I said that marriage shouldn't have the benefits attached to it that it does because getting tax breaks or insurance then becomes dependent on being legally married - what about people who just aren't married? I said that weddings are becoming ridiculous (not all of them, clearly) but I have definitely worked at weddings that eeeeasily cost more than the average middle class person makes a year. In that both the wedding and divorce industry are booming. Less universally, I also expressed that as a queer person with somewhat radical leanings, I have no interest in assimilation (not to mention the huge commitophobia issues that almost makes me stop breathing when I consider marriage for myself.)

She basically said, "I agree with the Hallmar k wedding analogy 100% but the same holds true for Christmas/Than k sgiving and I love celebrating those anyway (Despite being Jewish, lol)" and, "that doesn’t mean we can’t take back marriage and make it our own just how we did with queer etc?" (how can something be reclaimed if it was never had in the first place?), then she said, "Hmmm I don’t k now if gay people are trying to be li k e straight people just because they want equal rights. I mean what would you say to the blac k k id who wants the right to vote- that he’s trying to be li k e white people? I k now you will have something to say about that : )"

Um. Excuse me? (Needless to say, she is white.)

I have so much to say about that I don't even know where to start.

All aside for a moment, I strive to constantly challenge myself and my views. I try to think critically. I try to avoid the path of least resistance because to me, I feel it's lazy and ignorant to do so. I try to challenge people's views and when I do that, I try to have solid reasons to back me up. I left some out, but what I have quoted here is about two sentences short of a response to a 4 paragraph presentation of my views.

Then, she ends her email with, "There’s logical thin k ing and then there is emotion! You can’t live you entire life logically! "

I mean, I agree with that but I find that patronizing - I don't agree with her (gay) marriage sentiments based on my political views so I am therefore living my life too logically? I would perhaps say I might live my life too ideologically, but wouldn't thay also be the basis of having ideals?

Ugh. On top of this, she was supposed to come over Monday night to hang out; she canceled for valid reasons and rescheduled for Tuesday night. She canceled Tuesday night for reasons unknown and rescheduled for Wednesday. She canceled Wednesday night and was like, "I haven't had the time to come over, sorry. Are you bedridden? Like, can you get up and move around?" I responded that I was never bedridden (I have NO IDEA where she got that idea) and she was like, "Oh, I was going to rent some of my favorites movies for you but that seems silly if you can move around." gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I am frustrated with her and feel like she hasn't been paying attention to what I have told her about my surgery and my abilities now. I am frustrated that she discusses things like quasi-liberal straight white men with financial security - discussion and debate are simply mental exercises that don't really amount to questioning why one thinks what they do. What backs 99% of her arguments boils down to, "it's just how it is/it's just the norm". Yeah, it is, but does that make it right? Is tradition the best way everything is conducted, always? And she's so fucking cocky because she's a lawyer, so she's convinced that she is always right.

In general, I have found myself disappointed with how friends have reacted/acted about my having one hand somewhat out of commission. I have one person on a friendship time-out because she came over one night to help me out, but instead left a bigger mess for me to deal with then if she hadn't come over. (She left without even offering to do the dishes. What part of having a huge surgical bandage on and a pin holding a torn ligament in place screams, "I can do dishes! I can cook for myself! That's why you're here! That's why Joanna sent you a email talking about how I will be one-handed for some time!")

ugh.

To follow suit with the last few lj updates about surgery and such, today I get the pin and stitches out!

I am excited and anxious. I'm sure it will be fine, but it's something I have never experienced before so I am nervous because I hate surprises.

Hopefully, this will mean I can sleep comfortably again because tossing and turning with a pin and loose surgical dressing (because swelling has reduced) is NO FUN. Maybe I'll be able to let my arm hang by my side, too, instead of having to cradle it against my chest so as to prevent blood rushing to the surgical site.

Soon, this will all be over. I hope the scar isn't awful, either.

I have had a phenomenal past few days.

Ace came down and was my houseboy for 2 days. He cooked, cleaned, massaged, and sewed. It was so good. Joanna is gone on business for 9 days (or so), roommate is out of town for 5 days, so I am in my own. I wasn't looking forward to this very much until Ace came. We went shopping and he prepared me food that can easily be turned into meals. So, now I don't have to worry about preparing food or spending too much eating out or eating crappy food because it's easy. He also made me a sweartshirt with an expandable zipper cuff so my bandage will fit through the sleeve, as will my cast, and when I'm out of splints and casts (in, like, 2.5 months), I can have a regular sized cuff.

I also paid off my credit card in full and closed the account. When the representative asked me why I was closing it, I said, "I'm really not that into usary."

I got DDR yesterday, which was exciting. This morning, I got up and played for probably close to an hour. I get to play video games AND get my heart rate up! This is also great news for recovery to get some blood pumping and keep my emotional state in check. Woo!

Now to do other productive things, like nap and look for jobs.

Surgery is done. I have a ridiculous sized bandage on my hand right now. Therefore, I can only type one handed.

It went better than the doctor's expected - I had a lot of healthy issue which they didn't expect at all, so instead of having to harvest a tendon from my wrist, they could use my torn ligament and do a little sewing job, basically.

I think the local is wearing off and it feels like my hand fell asleep and is waking up. I mean, I guess that is kind of what happened. It is just a peculiar feeling, though, because it's been slowly waking up/wearing off for about an hour now. I am not looking forward to what this will feel like tomorrow morning, nor have I quite figured out how I am going to sleep.

The plus side of all this, though, is that I have enough painkillers to last me 2 weeks, about. However, I am definitely going to save some for when the pin is taken (read: yanked) out. I am not looking forward to that.

I just need to mention that Joanna was amazing all day today and I love her so much for being the perfect support. I am so lucky.

I tried so hard to have a productive day. Really.

Instead, I woke up early. I laid in bed. I played on my iPhone. I got up and played on my computer, telling myself I would shower and get ready. Then I ate breakfast. Then I played on my computer more. Soon enough, it was noon. I showered. I called my friend, we talked for awhile. Then I decided it was time to get up. But instead I took a nap. A long nap. I woke up, played a little more on my iPhone (somewhere in there I downloaded stupid free apps that have wasted a lot of my time). Then I said, "Enough, self, it is time."  I went to Trader Joe's. I got some stuff, but probably not enough. I came home and played on my computer for no particular reason other than to waste time. Then I made calzones/empanadas that are SO GOOD. I made artichoke heart, garlic, spinach, alfredo sauce calzones/empanadas and a couple random ones with some left over breakfast stuff. Now here I am. While digging shredded cheese out of the freezer, some gin started to come out. I thought, "Hm, why not?"  So now I've had a tallllll G+T+pomegranate seeds and my world is a little bit fuzzy.

I was maybe supposed to hang out with someone today, but I texted her and said, "Hello."  and she said, "No." and I said, ":(" and...that was that. We're not hanging out, which is fine.

I was supposed to clean; I swept and mopped everything to the right of the wall the runs down the middle of the apartment. I was going to do the left today, which is a much more challenging side, but I didn't.

Instead, I'm tipsy sitting in the Unclean Half and sort of cooking. I intend to watch Queer as Folk soon because Justin is HOT.

I only freaked out a little bit about getting surgery today. I think I need to meditate or something and just...process it. I'm not allowing myself to. I try to take such good fucking care of myself and for what?  I think I understand my dad a little bit more. Post heart-attack, while my mom and my bro and I were freaking out shit, he was like, "Whatever, it's genetics. It couldn't be helped. I eat lots of veggies." OK, ignoring the falsity of the "veggie" claim, I couldn't figure out how he was so calm about it. Then I remembered he was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds (which is pretty normal for post-cardial infarction patients); he wasn't calm about it. I guess I forgot that he was my father and doesn't divulge all internal thoughts to me, which is fine.

I knew something like this would happen to me, even though I just hadn't connected the dots entirely quite yet. Again, I try to keep such good care of myself and so I knew that someday when something major and somewhat chronic happened to me, I would struggle so fucking much with dealing with it. However, I assumed it would be cancer or something like that in at least another 10-15 years, not a torn ligament that, in the grand scheme of things, isn't a huuuge deal. I AM young, I DO heal well - what's my deal?  I have built up this idea that I keep myself healthy and get exercise and eat green things and don't eat too much meat or too many saturated fats (except in my coconut milk ice "cream") and I even ALMOST had a six-pack this summer and now I have to get fucking surgery because my fucking ligament is fucked up. I feel like my body is a failing me, I think that's the bigger issue here that I just can't accept.

However, the good news is that I will be soon have a vestigial part of my body be useful!

Unrelated, it's probably about time for me to change my Sarah Palin icon.

my dork is showing
So, I have a couple weeks ahead of me where I won't have much to do as I can't work, can't do much heavy lifting (or any lifting?), and will mostly have one hand to do everything with.

I'm trying this weekend to get everything done I could ever need to in order to make my life easier - I am going to clean the entire house like crazy, do laundry, make a ton of food to put in the freezer so I can just heat it up and have home made food to eat that I like, you know shit like that.

To get a bit of exercise, I just ordered a DDR game and mat for my PS2. I can't play with it now because I can't use my left thumb, so I might as well spend $22 (including shipping!) for a game where I can get exercise and not feel weird about getting a gym membership that I'll go to for 2 months then never go to again. I am stupidly excited for this purchase.

Another thing, which requires some interactivity from you, My Readers, is movie recommendations. I have no use nor can I afford to do a Netflix/Blockbuster movie deal, so I am going to do a 2 week free trial so I'll have movies to watch while I'm home but then don't have to stress about not really having time or money to watch movies I keep getting. So, movie recommendations please! And maybe a short description of what it's about?

OK.

Now to continue preparing for surgery.

My life has been so...something lately. Busy? Hectic? Draining?

I have had my hand in a splint since early August. I re-injured an old injury and was wicked stubborn about it. Originally, I over-extended a ligament. The re-injury tore the ligament, the ulnar collateral ligament in my thumb. When this is injury or torn, the thumb, which usually functions as a post so you are able to pick up a bottle of beer, for example, grip a doorknob, or grasp a key to insert and turn it into a lock.

So. In early September, I went in to an orthopedic specialist. The options presented to me were either casting it and hoping it would heal on it's own...or surgery. Just the idea of surgery scared/s me because it means that my body isn't able to heal itself properly. Sure, now the pain is gone and the muscles are starting to rebuild themselves but there is still instability in my thumb, which means it did not (and will not) heal properly without surgical intervention. Upon re-injury, I immediately iced it and put it in a splint (that I had from the original injury about 10 years prior). While it was the right thing to do, I really should have gone to a doctor earlier. However, given that there was a month lag between injury and seeing a specialist about it, my orthopedist was REALLY nice about it given that I did everything I could to protect the injury short of going to the doctor.

Hoping for the best and bargaining a little bit with the doctor, instead of being casted immediately, we made a deal that I would get a new splint and come back to see her in 6 weeks to evaluate.

Have no disillusions, I left this initial doctor's appointment *really* upset. My body won't heal and the surgery has a lengthy recovery time: 6 weeks in a cast, more time in a splint, physical therapy 1-2 times per week until I don't need it anymore, and restriction on activities that involves my left hand for another 8 months on top of all that time. Why, then, I ask myself, do I have to be involved in sports that involve my hands? I can't play football (although my feelings on it were not strong, anyway, and I'm not convinced I even like the sport), I can't play hockey, I potentially won't be able to play softball next season...I dislike soccer, and as much as I love candlepin bowling, it just doesn't provide the kind of physical activity that I need to stay healthy and sane.

Six weeks passes very quickly, which is good considering I will be counting down the hours until I am done with my cast. In that time, I did a lot of research on my injury and on the surgery. Basically, a harvested tendon from my wrist will replace the torn ligament.

Great.

The good news is that it’s a life long solution. If re-injury occurs, the same procedure is performed.

I am still waiting on a confirmation, but my tentative date is 10/28. So soon! I am starting to come up with a long list of things to do pre-surgery, such as clean the house, and figure out food that I can absolutely prepare with one hand only. Suggestions?

Additionally, suggestions on cast color? I don’t know what color to get.

I walked into town and went to the thrift store. Randomly, I found this awesome pair of rollerblades in pretty good condition. They weren't tagged, which was strange, because usually if something isn't tagged in that particular store the item will not be sold until it is properly tagged. Out of curiosity, I took them to the register just to price them. The cashier was like, "Oh, those are $6." I freaking got awesome rollerblades for $6! I purchased them, put them on and rollerbladed home.

On the way, I stopped at the track at the high school right by my house and skated a couple miles. I enjoyed it not only because I was skating, but because I was doing it in business casual clothing. It was pretty excellent.

I eventually went home and have been in them ever since. I have been really enjoying the smoothness of the hardwood floor. I made dinner in them, prepared something to make for tomorrow, and then did all the dishes while rollerblading around the apartment. I'm even sitting on the couch wearing them right now. I'm such a kid sometimes.

Today was a very good day. It also felt amazing to get some exercise in a form that does not involve or stress my hand out AT ALL. I love it.

My life has been weirdly busy lately and so hectic and emotionally charged.

A long story short, I re-injured an old injury in early August that will require surgery to hopefully repair. This has seriously bummed me out, but I'm getting to a point where I can talk about it without outright sobbing now. I feel kind of betrayed by my body - I try to take such good care of it and I try to eat well and I stretch before exercise and I eat vegetables and now, something has happened to it that I most likely can't heal on my own. And, it's my left hand (and I'm left handed/mostly ambidextrous, thankfully), but it still makes writing a bit of a challenge. I'm glad that throughout my life I have put effort into doing things with both hands so I haven't been a complete klutzy fool bumbling around doing shit with my right hand, but it's still tough. I have also found that writing and eating are two tasks that I can do with my right hand, but not with much finesse.
What is bumming me out most of all is that it's a 3 month recovery time, start to finish. A little piece of tendon from my wrist will be cut out and put in place of my broken ligament (I think that's the process). I'll be in a cast for 6 weeks, then a splint, then I will start physical therapy. I'm sure it will turn out OK, but I'm just kind of anxious about it all.

I was going to try to do the surgery ASAP, maybe even in October, but I picked up another short assignment with the Census yesterday. It, apparently, will require 30-40 hours a week (on top of my other part time job) so...I'm not convinced that I am really going to have time to eat and sleep much less have outpatient surgery that will most likely take my left hand out of commission for at least a couple weeks. The good news, though, is that I won't have to worry incredible amounts of being able to support myself financially because I'll be making bank with the Census.

Honestly, I feel really lucky in my life. Everything seems to happen at an incredibly opportune time. I need money to pay for surgery and support myself while I can't work. This past week, my manager offered me a permanent position at the bookstore and said that she wants to put me in manager training (yawn.). What this means is that I am working part-time with them until maybe after the holidays, when the training is being held, then if I get accepted into the program, it's a full time thing. In the mean time, my schedule is flexible which is GREAT because I have to get surgery. However, the store is moving at the end of the month so I will be needed for that. For the Census training, I needed a week, so I asked my bookstore manager if I could have the week after next and she said yes, any other week should couldn't have done it, but that week is perfect. So I'm able to have both jobs, miss bookstore work to get trained, and hopefully save money. I plan on getting the surgery in November which will have me recovered (hopefully) by February, and then give me a few months for rebuilding my arm and hand muscles before seeing if I'm fit to play softball.

hahahahha
It was really only a matter of time until this happened.

I just saw an ad on casual encounters for someone I know and used to work with.

What makes it doubly awkward is that in the picture he posted, he's wearing his work uniform.

Soooo glad I don't work there anymore - I don't know how I would look at him without thinking about his ad.

Sometimes I don't feel like I fit in. (There's a big surprise.)

One of my Antioch friends is living in the general Boston area and I always really enjoy it when we hang out - we have a baseline of shared knowledge and understanding of where our perspectives are coming from. It's not that we're super great friends or know each other very well, but we are more or less on the same page. I don't feel like I need to explain myself or my views or where I'm coming from. I don't feel like I need to defend or really water down concepts or ideas behind open relationships or queerness or a gender spectrum or any -ism.

Yesterday at softball, I made some irrelevant dumb joke with someone about how I really knew I was gay when [insert some dumb softball reference]. She laughed and said, "I knew I was gay the first time I saw a penis. I was like, 'whoa ewwww.' but then I saw breasts and I was like, 'hm...those are nice...'." I feel awkward when I brand myself as 'gay' to people who don't know me that well - it's a lie. I'm not gay. I am not only attracted to women or females bodies or feminine presenting folks (assuming I align myself with a feminine-spectrum gender identity). I'm a big ol' queer and sometimes I forget that not everyone knows or understands exactly what that means.

And, so, I miss people in my life who understand and just don't care. There are some now, but not nearly as many as I want.

I also feel awkward about my politics. I am absolutely not political at all, but I am aware that my politics are somewhat radical. But, that also means that I don't fit in with most people that I'm meeting who have very traditionally liberal politics. I'm in the beginnings of a discussing Ishmael with someone and I am struggling with coming up with rebuts for some of her arguments because they're so...exactly what the book is talking about and the point it's driving home. She is actively encouraging a society that is free falling at an alarming rate towards the ground and thinks it's just how we, as humans, are supposed to live.

Today just isn't a fantastic day for me. Maybe I'll go eat a lot of ice cream.

Which, btw, I'm so excited about. I'm borrowing an ice cream maker and a couple days ago I made a coconut milk chocolate "ice cream". It's totally vegan and it is AMAZING. I'm working on a pumpkin "ice cream" right now that I think will go really well with the chocolate. Surely, that will help me drown my sorrows.

I really don't think I'm meant to have a car in this state. It's a mechanically sound car, except there are some minor quirks that just won't pass Mass inspection. Freaking ridiculous. I'm potentially looking at selling the car out of state, but then what? The mechanic has a standard transmission Honda he'd be willing to sell me but I don't understand the practical application of driving stick. It's stupid - I've taught people how to drive stick, but I can't really do it myself.

I got another lame job yesterday, which is great but lame. I just feel so frustrated that I spent all this time and money to get a degree that gets me NO WHERE. I'm not really that surprised, I know that having a degree isn't some amazing life changing thing that will automatically thrust me into a job, but, seriously - even with my degree, I can't afford to pay off my loans because I can't get a high enough paying job. Thank god for loan deferment.

I'm doing OK in life in general, but I'm just so frustrated by this. I guess, though, I'll be extra thankful when I do finally get a job that can pay the bills instead of taking it for granted. Screw you economy. Screw you recession/depression. This shit is making feel useless and worthless.

And now I'm at my boring job with nothing to do until probably 1 or 2pm. Same thing tomorrow. Maybe these will be my last days. I hope so - I'm so over business-casual attire.

I am considering considering considering looking into going into personal training. First there is nailing down my muscular-skeletal knowledge, I'm pretty good on nutrition, and probably a ton of other stuff, then getting certified. I'm not 100% on this, but I had a stroke of genius (maybe?) the other day when I was depressed and looking for jobs. I don't particularly want to work in an office and I like being active and I kind of want to have a trade. We'll see. This is one of those things that will require some time and thinking and working and figuring and saving, but maybe.

Current Mood: negative

I'm at work today and my supervisor asks me to sit down. That is never really a good sign.

She started out, "You didn't do anything..." and I panicked for a minute because my typical day involves about 15-30 minutes of work and the rest of reading news and looking busy. She continues, "...wrong. And this is not a reflection on your work or anything, but..." long story short, there is A LOT less work now than when I was hired, so they can't really justify keeping me on. Honestly, I've seen this coming since the president of the company met me/didn't like me (I guess I wasn't smiley enough? Fuck you sexist standards.) and I'm not too torn up about it.

It sucks because as of July 30th, I won't have a job, but I'm getting an awesome recommendation out of it and it's forcing me to do something about getting another job when I've been bored with mine and it hasn't been fulfilling my financial needs.

I do have an interview tomorrow (this crazy 2 hour interview) and a friend offered me a job as a stock person at a Limited store, so, should I need it, there is work available.

My supervisor was so nice and apologetic about it, too. She even said she was going to miss me. Awwwwwww. I appreciated it, but, again, figured it would happen sooner or later.

So that was my day. I'm fairly indifferent about all this, to be honest.

gross
My eye has been kind of bothering me a little bit today. It's been a little itchy and fuzzy.

Welllllll I figured out why.

( pink eye tee-em-eye? )

Well good. Now I just wish I had a miracle cure for this fucking cough. I want to sleep a full night, damnit. I'm tired. I'm sick. Stop coughing.

I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick. No surprise there, though.

I'm pretty sure it was the impromptu trip to NYC Pride that did it this past weekend. Joanna, Ace, and I got into NYC at 10pm Saturday night. We went out and ended up getting home at 4:15am. Sleeeeeeep and then wake up at 8am to get ready to get my bus back to Boston at 10am. I didn't get much sleep on the bus - I couldn't get comfortable. With traffic and T delays (of course), I got home at 3pm. At 4pm, I had to be at the field for my softball game. Get home around 7pm, probably, and end up not sleeping until 11:30pm or so.

In NYC, I drank and didn't sleep much. (What else is there to do there?)

I took a nap today and woke up with a scratchy throat. I'm maybe running a low grade fever. I'm tired. Boo. If I'm still feeling crappy tomorrow, I'll see if I can leave early after I pass out the paychecks and get a nap in. Suck.

Current Music: Common - I Want You

Joanna and I arrived late (like, 2am) to her grandparents house north of LA. We were staying in "the girls room" - where Joanna's mom and sister slept as children. We knew that there were 2 twin beds in the room, but didn't know how they were arranged. Before arriving there, I joked that we should push the twin beds together as neither us of expected that the twin beds would be pushed together - why would they be?

We get there and tiptoe through the hallway to the room. The twin beds are pushed together.

Her grandparents pushed the twin beds together so we could sleep next to each other. ADORABLE.

The next morning, I wake up and go to wash up. I walk past the door that's just cracked open to her grandparents bedroom. They, too, sleep on twin beds pushed together. Also adorable.

I heart Joanna's family.

My brother called me up the other day and suggested that he gives me his old iPhone and I join my family's family plan. I think I'm going to do it.

I'll end up paying $5 a month more and I'm getting a free iPhone. I mean, that's pretty cool especially since that is one of the few ways that I would actually get myself an iPhone.

I think I'll be able to keep my number, too, which is great. I still need to get down a hard copy of all the numbers I might ever need. Maybe I'll do that at work tomorrow as I anticipate having little to do.

In other extremely exciting news, way back in January, Joanna and I applied for heating assistance because our heating bills were unmanageable. They kept writing to us asking for more information, which was aggravating, but then I just didn't hear from them for awhile. We got home last and she was going through the mail. They finally wrote that we have been approved for heating assistance for just over $1000! Woo! It was a pretty exciting moment since that just super significantly reduced a the heating bill. WOo!

The setting:  The wedding reception last night. I would guess there were probably around 100 people there.

Here is who I met: A couple who, literally, live on the same block as us in JP, but on the other side (we're on Williams, they're on Gartland).

Also:  A guy who went to Antioch. His final term was my first term. I met him in the library once. I checked out some books to him for his senior project. I didn't recognize him (nor he me), but I recognized his name.

How very strange, but how very wonderful.

I'm at work, with nothing to do again. I've decided I'm leaving a bit early today, so now I only have 2 hours to...waste.

I'm leaving to go to California tonight. Joanna and I are attending a wedding in Santa Barbara, then going to hang out a bit in San Diego before coming back to Boston late Tuesday night. That'll be fun, but I just want to be done with work so I can go home and do all the last minute stuff before I go. By the time I get home, I'll probably have to rush a bit to make my airplane food (I almost always bring my own food with me onto an airplane), take out all the trash and recycling, leave a note for the roommate about leaving a check for rent and utilities, give the cat food for a couple days, clean the litter box, change into travel clothing, make sure I have something that I can stumble to work in next Wednesday morning, and do as many dishes as possible before running out the door. I did print out my boarding pass, though, so that will give me a bit of extra time.

I neeeeeeeed another job. I need a higher paying job. The life I am leading now is the exact opposite of sustainable. It is killing me because I hate having to depend on other people for shit like rent or whatever. Hate. It. It makes me feel like a big loser that should be living with my parents still. I've been applying to quite a few jobs in the past couple days.  I just hope that one comes through. I wish I could have the flexibility of my schedule now AND still be able to make a somewhat decent living. I'm sure most people wish for that. If I didn't have so much in rent, I could absolutely make it work however...that is just how life is right now, I guess. If we have to move, though, I would be seriously interested in living in a manged building just for the perk of not having to pay heat and hot water.

Life is otherwise really great.  I'm making friends. Joining this softball team was probably one of the better decisions I've made despite the fact that I ALMOST didn't do it. I'm glad I did, though. I might have breakfast and Scrabble dates with some team members coming up in the near future which is really exciting. I'm also going to look into playing flag football in the fall. However, when people were talking about it last night, I was a little intimidated because there was all this talk of tryouts and, really, I don't know shit about football. Maybe I should do a bit of studying before tryouts?  I'm a fast runner, so maybe that will get me something. I'm pretty sure I'm the fastest person on my softball team. I don't know. We'll see how that goes in a couple months.

I think I'll go wander around the hospital for a bit. I'm seriously bored.

your touch is like magic to me
-I am really enjoying softball. I am glad I played/made the team (I didn't catch a single ball in tryouts)
-I can run fast. I think I forget that I can. I like running fast.
-Kind of vainly and unhealthily, I want a six-pack. Even for, like, a couple weeks.
-I'm excited to go rock climbing in the near future (hopefully).

Current Music: Love and Sex and Magic - Ciara ft. Justin Timberlake